Growing up, I had bouts of depression, where all I would want is to be left alone. Following the logic of the golden rule, I would go about my business by leaving others alone. This, however did not improve my position at all, and made things worse for those who cared about me. What did these people want? They might have liked it if I expressed an interest in their lives, or if I brought joy and enthusiasm into their lives in some way. If I was consciously aware of the platinum rule, perhaps I could have improved my life and the lives of those I cared about by reaching out to others, and looking for ways to make them happy. (Which, by the way, is often the best way to resolve depression.)
How can we use this concept to improve our relationships in our day to day lives? Allow me to try to illustrate with a story from my personal life.
When I first started dating my wife, we would talk on the phone very frequently, but I was unable to express myself as freely as I would in person. This would make her feel as though I was being distant, and she thought something might have been troubling me. If she applied the Golden Rule at this point, she would assume that I used this drab phone style because that is what I would want from her. This couldn't be further from the truth! For some reason I felt reserved and distant on the phone, and very close in person...I wasn't giving myself permission to open up on the phone! At the same time, Judith always applied the platinum rule - she was always fun and bubbly on the phone, despite my apparent lack of enthusiasm. She was treating me the way I wanted to be treated.
